Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Why Ice Cream is bad

Today was one of those "can't-keep-up-I-can't-remember-what-color-our-couch-is-DID-I-FEED-the-children-today?" kind of days. You know the type. By three o'clock I was in desperate need of either a grown up beverage or ice cream. Since it was only three o'clock, I decided ice cream was the way to go. Unfortunately we had no ice cream. I knew danger was imminent if we did not  leave the house, so I tossed Spain on my back, slapped a hat on Alex's head, and we trudged two blocks to the commissary to get ice cream. 

During the walk we waited on hold with our internet provider. As soon as we reached the commissary, Alex began his 10 point inspections of the car carts. You know, the shopping carts that were mated with Little Tyke cars in an attempt to make grocery shopping with little children somewhat less traumatic. As Alex approached the fourth hybrid cart, I announced "This one's perfect!!" I swung Spain out of the baby carrier and strapped him into Driver's Seat A. Alex gave me a patronizing look as he climbed into Driver's Seat B "I was trying to find one with a working horn" He explained patiently. I know. That's why I stopped you before you found one. 

By the time we got to the glorious ice cream display, we were talking to a real human trying to figure out our internet difficulties. Twenty minutes later we were still standing in front of the ice cream display as the very nice Indian Jan and I discussed our internet issues. The boys were starting to get skittish. The Hybrid cart was losing it's novelty and it was all my fault!!
I wrapped things up with Jan, we grabbed some Ice Cream (with more than 5 ingredients in it. -10 points), and turned down the yogurt aisle. All of a  sudden the hybrid cart novelty was gone. Spain was screeching like a baby velociraptor and trying to shove Alex out of the cart. I pulled over and pulled Spain out of the cart. Alex got back in to drive, and I awkwardly carried Spain in one arm while pushing the cart. This is where things begin to go HORRIBLY WRONG.
 We stopped in front of the eggs. The price tags for the eggs were on the very bottom shelf, conveniently placed where you could not read them through the door. I put Spain on the floor, right between our cart and door to the egg case, just in case he had any ideas about escaping, then launched myself into the egg case, at an angle that would have impressed a circus contortionist. As my eyes landed on the array of price tags, I saw Spain's diaper cover hit the ground. 

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, because I like pins. You pin the diaper on, and it's not going anywhere. Cover on. Cover off. The diaper stays in place. 
But I didn't use pins this time.

Now I have your attention. 

That's right. I didn't use pins. Or a Snappi. Or any other type of fastener. I folded my flat into a rectangle, stuck it in a cover and off we went. It would have worked perfectly, except that in my haste to get out of the house I didn't put pants on Spain. When he was in the carrier on my back he couldn't get to the cover, but while wrestling in the confining space of the hybrid cart................

I jerked out of the egg case, in a flash I grabbed the diaper and quickly and awkwardly tried to cover el nino up. The folded flat kept sliding out of place, and EVERYONE in a two mile radius suddenly needed eggs. I forgot how to breathe as I pushed the cart over to a cracker display. Spain, at this point realized that I was cramping his style, and went into thrashing mode. Have you ever held a diaper less thrashing baby in the middle of the grocery store? It will bring you closer to God. 
At this point, through what I can only describe as Divine Intervention, the cover cinched into place, the dairy department empty and I could hear the faint sounds of the Hallelujah chorus being piped through the sound system.

I learned something important today.

Never under estimate the power of pants.... Or at the very least, use a cover that snaps instead of velcros.


  1. Forget the ice cream! Have a drink and make it a double!!!