The older I get, the harder I have to work to be optimistic.
In fact, right now I'm having a difficult time not falling into the dark abyss of continual pessimism. For the past three years, we've lived in a bubble of blissful domesticity. Sweet Husband had a "regular" office job with normal office hours. For the first time in our marriage, we had consistent family meal times together. No deployments to deal with. And the nearby beaches, were definitely a perk I'm not complaining about!
Then we got orders. For a very dry rural desert area. Where *I* would be starting over, but *he* would be reunited with people he previously trained, and deployed with.
Then we found out his work hours will basically allow us to see each other for four hours a day. Those four hours need to include two meals, clean up, and bedtime.
And the house we were assured would be available when we got here, is not ready, and they have no information other than the address. Square footage? Why would we want that information?!
Of course, the day we left for this new adventure, the littlest one woke up sick. We are currently on day 22 of illness extravaganza 2017. First it was Luke, then me, then Alex, and as of today Spain.
I don't want to deal with another kitchen that was never designed to be used for actual cooking.
I don't want to spend the next year awkwardly introducing myself to people, and hoping we click.
I don't want to have to consult the UV index before sending the boys outside to play.
And the biggest one, the one that bothers me the the most, is I don't want to feel this way.
I want to enjoy the excitement and magic of a new adventure and new experiences.
Individually, none of these would have bothered me. But compounded together, I started to question my suitability as a military spouse.
I have no doubt that I look back at this duty station and say "I learned so much while we were there", but that doesn't make getting through today any easier.
Maybe it's convoluted, but I do believe that part of lesson here, is showing the boys that it's okay to be UNHAPPY about a place, but your actions and attitudes while you are there are what matter.
Am I thrilled to be here? Absolutely not.
Am I trying to figure out how to make our future house feel like a home as quickly as possible? Yes.
Am I trying to reach out and find homeschooling groups to get involved in? Of course. The last thing I need to do, is wallow in self-pity locked away from the world.