Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Secret Life...

I've been quiet for awhile because I wasn't sure how to publicly acknowledge the atmosphere in our house. But secrecy and pretending everything is okay is exhausting.
I've done everything I could think of to stay away from this blog. As of this typing, there is no dirty laundry in our house. But I realized that all seven people who read my blog will probably love us, even after reading this.
So here we go...........


For real people!

Spain has the ability to control water. He can take ONE teaspoon and turn it into FIVE gallons simply by letting it touch his skin,

You scoff?

Allow me share a story.

Last week I took Spain and Alex to the Pediatrician. Alex needed a sports physical and Spain was there because he had just turned two (there's no cure).
After Spain throughly inspected the exam room trashcan's foot pedal, I took him to the sink to wash his hands. I carefully balanced Spain on one of my knees, keeping him stabilized with one hand, and used the other to operate the faucet.

I turned the water on gently. I didn't need a geyser, just a soft stream.
Spain thrust his hands into the stream of water with a gusto that I would normally save for chocolate. The world slowed down. With crystal clarity I saw a geyser water shoot to our right. The world jolted back to the proper speed and I shut the faucet off 
This happened so quickly, I hadn't even had a chance to take my hand off the water handle.

Water dripped of the doorknob. I grabbed a paper towel to wipe off the knob and realized I was wadding... In a pond... On the exam room floor.
I set Spain on the floor and handed him a handful of paper towels. 
"Help Mama" I chirped cheerily "Let's clean this up!"
Spain dutifully set his wad of paper towels in the puddle. They turned from crisp crinkly light brown to soft soggy mud brown instantly.

Methodically I worked. scooping up handfuls of soggy water towels and water. The hem of my pants got heavier and heavier as they desperately tried to soak up all the water they could.
Finally, after almost emptying the paper towel dispenser, I deemed the floor "dry enough".

I grabbed a stack of books off the exam room desk to distract Spain, who was yelling "Hands! Hands!" and trying to climb inside the sink. Glossy colorful pictures did nothing to dissuade him. Instead his desire burned deeper and hotter.

Still not convinced?

You'll have to come over for dinner. He's really good at taking a glass with three drops in it, turning it upside and leaving you to look like you left your Depends at home.