Survival Tips for Spouses of Deployed Soldiers.

Care packages are touted far and wide for their magical abilities. However, you will find yourself wondering what to put in these USPS delivered treasure boxes. Your soldier will be no help at all. There is even a chance that they will insist that they “don’t need anything”. Send snack foods… And baby wipes. Don’t expect a Thank you card. They may thank you in passing, while requesting that you send razors.


Everyone from family members to complete strangers at the post office will tell you to stay busy. After a while “stay busy” will begin to sound like “please hit me”. This goes away after homecoming.

Your soldier will never call at a convenient time for you. In fact the more important your plans are, the higher probability of receiving a phone call.

Case in point, I’ve considered making a doctor’s appointment any time I want to talk to Sweet Husband. It never fails, every time I’m in the middle of an examination, he calls. Every. Single. Time.

Don’t talk to other spouses about the frequency of phone calls. Seriously. Nothing good can come of this. If you are the one whose spouse has a hard time finding the Skype icon on their computer you will feel lousy that you don’t get to talk to your spouse that much. Feelings of bitterness, hurt, and distress may bubble up inside of you.
On the other hand, if you’re the one who gets to talk to your spouse every day…. Run. Your life is in danger. Especially if you’re having conversations that are hours long, everyday.
Don’t talk about it. It’s safer that way for everyone.



Don’t post photos of soldiers you know online without they‘re permission. And err on the side of caution, don’t post pictures of them in uniform with visible patches and name tapes. Familiarize yourself with OPSEC.

Don’t post your soldiers deployment information on the internet. Facebook does not need to know your soldier’s flight information or that the unit is stuck in Oz for the next seven hours. I promise.



Friends and strangers will try to make you feel better by telling you about the time they had to spend a week away from their significant other. DO NOT follow your instincts.
Though they mean well, They are clueless.


Don’t be afraid to take your friends up on their offers to help. I’m still working on this one. But I cannot describe the bliss of knowing that there are people able and willing to help you when you need it.


Deployments are rough. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first one or the eighteenth one. You will not finish it the same person you were when you started, and neither will your spouse.

Did I forget anything?

Whatever happened to my REM

When Sweet Husband and I started dating, we were working nights at a local restaurant. On a typical weekend I would get off of work at 5am. Occasionally I would get lucky, and get released at 2 am. As a survival mechanism, I learned a few skills to get me through my blurry eyed, sleep-deprived weekends. Especially the wee hours of the morning. After all the bars had last call, and the inebriated had satisfied their cravings for hamburgers and pancakes.
I studied lyrics to lesser known Disney songs, for our impromptu Disney trivia games. I mastered how to pantomime walking into a wall. Of course I worked on looking-busy-when-you’ve-completed-your-tasks-there-are-no-customers-AND-two-more-hours-until-you-can-go-home. I think the most important skill I learned, was how to sleep whenever I could.

One weekend my dad was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper and nursing a cup of coffee as I dragged myself through the door. I was exhausted.
“Hi stranger.” My dad greeted me “I was starting to wonder if you still lived around here.”
I smiled weakly, and dropped into a chair with the grace of a drunk elephant.
“I smell like rancid bacon.” I replied “I’ve been seriously considering moving into the storage closet at work. You can start forwarding my mail.”
My dad chuckled softly. “I need to go run a few errands. Why don’t you come with me? We’ll have some Daddy-daughter time.”
I hesitated briefly torn between a deep desire to crawl into bed, and wanting to see my dad for longer than thirty seconds.
“Can I sleep in the cart?” I asked.

When we arrived at the first stop, I lost no time in pulling a throw pillow in the bottom of the shopping cart my dad was pushing. I somehow managed to climb in the basket of the cart without breaking my neck. I curled up into an oblong shape, trying to contort by body around the sharp edges of the cart. Shopping cart baskets, were not made with sleeping teenagers in mind. I managed to find a comfortable position and blissfully fell asleep, with my dad pushing me around the store. Thank goodness he wasn’t buying bricks.



Imagine my surprise, a mere five years later, when I realized how difficult it is for me to sleep when Sweet Husband is away. It doesn’t matter if it’s one night, or a year’s worth of nights, sleep eludes me during the reasonable hours. No matter how tired I am, the moment I go to bed, I find myself wide awake. I’ll lay in bed for hours waiting to fall sleep. Go to sleep I tell myself sternly You’re going to regret staying awake so late. The sun comes up way to early. I know I’m right. I just can’t reason with myself. I’ll begin to pray. I’ll for Sweet Husband and the people with him. I pray for the boys, and for wisdom for me, so I don’t screw up raising them. I’ll pray for our families, and start praying for friends going through life changes. Sometimes I even pray for the people who make me want to scream. And when I come to the end of my list, and find myself still awake, I begin to wonder in which box I packed my ability to sleep.

Deployment, please end soon. The bags under my eyes are turning into a full size set of luggage.

A Christmas Box to Far Away

Sweet husband requested sheets and a pillow for Christmas.

How could I say to "no" to such a simple request? So the boys and I went shopping. We started with sheets. Alex found a set of High School Musical sheets.
"Mama, don't you think papa would like these sheets?"
I bit back a smile. I could almost picture Sweet husband's face opening a package f High School Musical sheets.
"Those are nice sheets. But papa really wants cotton sheets and those aren't cotton." Sweet husband could thank me later.
Alex put the sheets back. "Oh. How about these? Are they cotton?" he held up a package of Tinkerbell sheets.
"Not enough. Papa likes all cotton sheets."
"Oh here's Mickey Mouse! ....And some princesses..."
"Oh these one's are good." I held up a set of cream colored jersey sheets.
Alex looked at me expectantly "There's nothing on them..." he said hesitantly "Are you sure they're cotton?"


Then came the pillow. Alex tested each of them, before settling on a sweetly stripped damask pillow. Then his eyes fell on a solid red rectangle of fluff.
"Mama," he said reverently "it's a red pillow"
"Mmm-hmm," I grunted as I pushed aside a mountain of pillows in from me.
"What does the tag say?" he whispered.
I glanced over absently "It says "Allergy relief"."
Alex's eyes lit up. "Mama, I have allergies."
I raised an eyebrow "That's right."
Alex smiled sweetly, a halo appeared above his head and doves began singing.
"Mama, may I have a red allergy relief pillow?"




Now sheets and a pillow sound harmless enough. Wrap them up, throw them in a box and ship them out, right? Ha! I laugh at the idea of something so simple. First I had to wash the items, and of course, once laundered they grew bigger and puffier. Armed with a few bags, some packaging tape, the vacuum cleaner, and my own personal cheering/crying section (named Spain, for any of you who might be wondering), I attacked the fluffy pile of bedding. I spent more time than I care to admit (hours) folding, refolding, twisting, turning- essentially creating bedding origami. All so I could close the box enough to tape it closed. 25 yards of tape later, I had a box that slightly rocked when touched and was completely waterproof.

Muwhahahahahahahaha!

There is one thing I never heard about before Sweet Husband deployed. It creeps upon you subtly. One day you're paying little attention to the clock as you run errands, and the next, you don't leave your house until you are sure your spouse is asleep or at work. It's taken me longer to adjust my schedule for Spain's napping habits (which always seem to change at this point), than it did for me to realize that I was always by the computer twice a day. Unfortunately for me, one of those times is past my bedtime.

The phone never seems to be more than a few inches away from my hands... Unless of course it rings. The law of the universe says that the more important the phone call, the harder it is to find my phone. If it's a telemarketer or appointment reminder the phone will be in my hand. If it's friends or family, the phone will be under a bed, or left on a dresser in another room. If it's Sweet Husband the phone will be in the refrigerator or hidden in the bowels of the couch.

And once in church. Our church family is amazing! I am just blown away by how thoughtful and caring our church family is. Sweet Husband called as our church service was starting one Sunday, One dear lady took Spain to the nursery for me, while one wonderful family kept an eye on Alex for me while I stood outside and talked with Sweet Husband. In just a few minutes I became completely refreshed from and exhausting, horrible week.