Saturday, February 20, 2010

Dear Heloise,

I can't begin to explain how much I appreciate your column in the local newspaper. As a matter of fact I subscribe to the paper just for the pleasure of reading your column and the comics. I have to be careful with how much "news" I actually read, as I have an overactive imagination, and a deployed husband. I'm sure you can understand my reasoning.

I'm getting off topic though. I'm not entirely sure if it's because of the uncanny resemblance you have to my previous preacher's wife, or just because you seem to be reaching out toward slightly-inept homemakers like myself, but I feel a certain camaraderie with you. Well you and Christopher Lowell. Maybe it's because the two of you seem to have the perfect philosophies for Flylady dropouts, again, like myself. One huge cleaning and purging extravaganza a la Christopher, and expertly paired with your household hints. It's wonderful.

Unfortunately I just can't seem to get the knack of being on top of everything. At the same time. As soon as I clean one room, two more need to be condemned. The laundry never stops, and let's not even get started on the pet hair. Forget horror films like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", a true terrorifying movie would focus on science experiments in the refrigerator, pet hair in places you never imagined it could be, and workout clothes that were forgotten in a gym bag for much too long.

I think my one redeeming quality is that my house does NOT smell like pets.
The truth is, I'm just a May Paring aspiring to be a June Cleaver.

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